Kickin It

Death is such a crummy thing. As a Christian, I know that my loved ones who know Jesus are going to heaven when they pass and that only their time on earth is done. But as a "young" Christian, I still sometimes have trouble coping with loss. I want to be angry with God for taking the loved one from us. It is a very selfish thing to feel, and yet I can't help it.

Last week my best friend and her family lost someone very near and dear to them. Her husbands mother went to heaven on Wednesday and is now "Kickin it" with Jesus.  She was in her 64th year, and too young. She was an amazing woman, and her love for her family, God and serving and helping others is and was extraordinary. I'm so glad to be a part of this amazing family, and although they are not my family by blood, they are my family regardless. It makes me sad to see them so broken and hurting, and so when they cry, I cry. 

God sometimes has interesting ways of showing you He's still there, and He hears your cries.  The night I found out about this lovely lady's passing..I was struggling with my feelings. Disbelief would probably sum it up. Air1 Radio has a program between 10 & 12 pm eastern, and since I knew sleep was not going to come easily this night, I stayed up for the program. I went in the chatroom, and I poured out my heart to those that were listening, and even the DJ said they would pray for me and my family...as did many of the chatters in there. They knew how much I like the song 'Halo' by Manic Drive and they rallied to vote it up to the top so it would get played, and barely five minutes later, it was up there getting played. I mean, maybe it was coincidence. Maybe it was going to get played anyways. I don't know. But I believe that in the midst of my despair God showed up. He gave me a tiny nudge to show me He was listening, and heard my cries. God is neat like that.

I still didn't get much sleep that night. My friend needed someone to talk to, so I also believe God woke me up so I could be there for her. Sometimes I don't understand the nudges until after the fact. Maybe a week or more later. But the nudges are there regardless.

Now while there is a wonderful lady up there kickin it with Jesus, I miss her terribly, but I am so grateful she is now cancer free, she is happy and healthy and as perfect as she can be. I pray that God will heal everyone's hurt and give peace in their hearts. 

Until next time my friends...

Writing before bed, and Movies.../October 11

I wrote this last night..

Of course only I would go to..go to bed and suddenly get the urge to blog...

The notebook I've been carrying with me is this tiny little red notebook with a ribbon page marker. It reminds me of those notebooks Jamal used to write in, in Finding Forrester.  Everything I've written in it up until now has been in pencil.  I'm not really sure why.  Maybe it's so I can erase and re-write, erase and re-write. I gues that's part...

I lost it. I stopped to play on my iPod and lost the thought. Bad, bad Sarah! I think it was something along the lines of it having the opposite effect to the saying that one should never throw away their writings. You never know when or if you might be able to use it, them. Hmm. Moving on...

Sometimes I feel like my writing is juvenile. I feel like my words aren't quite as eloquent enough, or mature even. I don't know. I've read things written by peers, and more often then not, they sound much more mature then what I write. I just have to keep on keeping on, I guess.

I'm going to try and keep this little book by my bed. I have some pretty messed up dreams sometimes and have been told that keeping a dream journal might be helpful for the writing process. The only problem is, writing my dreams down is often not the first thing I'm thinking of doing when I first wake up from them.

Every time I sit down to write a blog lately, I am reminded of the movie Julie and Julia. Julie wrote a daily blog based on her experiences while cooking through Julia childs cookbook. She gained quite a following from it.

Wouldn't that be cool? To gain a following from writing a blog. I'm not really very sure that very many people even read this one.  I suppose that would also require writing more then one blog a month.

Well, until next time my friends....